I heard her but I didn’t trust myself enough to listen and follow what she was saying. So, mostly, I ignored her. That hurts to say that; I don’t want to be that person who ignores her horse.
I already know that horses listen to us. They may not understand exactly what we’re saying but they know how we feel about them. That is why I will never call my horse (or any animal) stupid or brainless. I will never call them names – I know a horse whose owners call him Arsehole because he won’t let them come near him. I wonder why…
But I’ve been wanting my horse to talk to me for such a long time and I thought that the connection, the bond wasn’t there. Maybe I was trying too hard or I was talking too loud or I didn’t give her space to answer. Maybe it is all these things, and more.
I know she has spoken to me in the past, answered my questions and told me what was wrong, and used big, physical movements to communicate. Movements that can be frightening and violent and have me questioning my horse skills. But I also know myself and that sometimes I have to be slapped across the head with an answer before I will believe and listen. So does this mean she knows me better than I do?
She has spoken to me before, many times, yet still, I don’t trust enough to listen completely. Why? Perhaps the answer lies in that sentence; perhaps my problem is not with hearing her but with trusting her. And trusting myself. Trusting myself enough to act on what she tells me, even when it’s not what I want to hear.
So today I will listen to my horse. I will trust her and I will trust me.